Appeared yesterday in the Columbus, Georgia Ledger-Enquirer Children learn from abuse
By Kaffie Sledge – ksledge@ledger-enquirer.com —
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but I think most of us know, or know of someone who is either on the giving or receiving end of domestic violence year round. So, thank you for continuing to share your stories — maybe we can help someone.After reading Saturday’s column, “Public display of affliction,” a woman called about a friend who she said should have left her abusive husband years ago. When the husband in question roughs up his wife or their children, the wife heads to this friend’s house until things cool down at home. This sometimes involves more than just a few hours or a couple of nights, the woman said in a voicemail message.Children see. Children do.Spouses and partners may have something vested in forgiving and forgetting. Children, however, are by-products and have no say in the matter, but all the garbage they suffer has a way of coming back to ruin their lives.After reading the Saturday column, an e-mailer had this to say about his mother and other woman who have been abused:“My mother used to let guys do stuff like that to her. She’d try to fight back verbally or something. But there was nothing she could do other than what she should have done and never did — and that was leave. I find that many women feel dependant in some way on the men. They need to feel loved, wanted… I’ve even known some who think that being beat up is OK.”“It’s all about control and intimidation,” said Gloria Strode, a former battered women’s counselor. “Many times it starts with something verbal. Something he does or does not want her to do. At first, the woman may think it’s cute — think ‘he must really love me, he won’t let me do this or that,’ ” Strode said. “Allowed to happen, that can lead to serious problems.”This also contributes to dating violence among teens, Strode said.A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study in which 6,888 high school girls were surveyed found that 1 in 11 girls had been hit, slapped or punched by an intimate partner, Strode said.Warning signsGirls often try to hide abusive relationships from parents, but there are warning signs, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (866-331-9474) reports: Changes in daily routines; retreat from school or activities; changing clothing style to hide bruises; isolation from friends.Women have an obligation to teach girls how to grow up to be healthy, happy, productive young women. Girls will never be who they need to be if they don’t know the real definition of love.Gloria Strode is currently collaborating with community social service providers to present “But he loves me,” a forum on teen dating violence. For more information, call her at 706-563-2923.
